Yesterday, October 14, 2014, my oldest child turned eight years old. I had been dreading this day for the past few months. Not because I don't want to spoil him with cake, gifts and all the blessings of birthday celebrations but because, as a mother, I was not prepared.
It seems like just yesterday I labored for hours on end, pushed for 2 exhausting hours and finally met my little man. Before I knew it, he turned 8. Eight fast years went by with a blink of an eye. The little raspy voice turned into a maturing young man. One with growing knowledge and height. He no longer cries over "boo boos" and spilled milk. He no longer needs me to do as much for him anymore. He can get his own cup of ice water and takes out the trash.
As each one of his birthdays comes every year, he no longer needs me a little more and more. That is why I was dreading this years 8th birthday.
I wish I could be the one to hold him forever, kiss him forever and tuck him in bed forever. The reality is, I won't be the one. He will find a special woman, which turns into THE ONE.
That ONE will then take my place caring for him. I will have to let go and a little piece of my heart will be missing.
I am not ready nor prepared for any of that. Driver's license, saying goodbye on his first date or even saying goodbye for college if he wishes so.
I know I am his mother, the one who will always be there if he needs me, the one he can tell anything to and I will always stand up for him. I know I will always hold a special place in his heart like he does in mine.
So with each birthday that passes, I have to let go a little more. Brace for another year of more changes, maturation, and knowledge.
As each year goes by, and the uncertainty of what that year will bring, he might not need me every second of the day but I will always be there loving him with all of my heart. That I can promise and know for sure.
I want to live in the slow motion. The calming center of the tornado were peace and happiness collide in the whirlwind. Not this fast paced life I have been given. Time, please be kind. Give me moments of bliss and happiness as I watch my children grow with the love of Jesus in their hearts. Moments of watching them chase bubbles and giggle while frolicking in the grass. Little kisses, holding my hand and snuggling with me on a chilly winter morning. Those are the moments I will hold dear to my heart and as a mother I can treasure forever. Time, just. please. stop. I don't want my babies growing up just yet, I am not prepared.
Sincerely,
Teryn
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